There are mornings when I wake up to see the sun streaming peacefully into my bedroom through my blinds, a perfectly acceptable time on my alarm clock, and a shelf full of books that are waiting to be read, and the first thing I say to myself is: I am not doing a goddamned thing today.
Sometimes, these mornings are the result of a bad week. Working in customer service tends to come with a fair share of those, am I right? You don’t have to tell me. There are weeks when no customer is ever satisfied, and no matter how much you smile and genuinely try to solve their problem, they have already decided that you are the human equivalent of all their problems. After a week like that, all I want to do on my day off is lock myself in my room and remind myself that I matter.
Often, they come about right before a big event. I’m naturally an introvert, which means that if I don’t meet my weekly quota of alone time, I start doing things like spontaneously crying in front of strangers. And no one wants that. Thus, if I have plans to do something that involves being in large crowds of people, I’ll use the day before for self-care. This usually includes painting my nails, doing a face mask, or watching something that will make me sob like the single friend at your wedding.
What? Crying is healthy.
And then, there are times when these mornings aren’t the result of anything at all. These are the hardest to deal with. Without a cause, there’s no simple solution to the problem. This leads to staying in bed for way too long, spending hours scrolling through Tumblr, and canceling plans with friends as well as my to-do list. Outside, morning becomes afternoon, then becomes evening. Before I know it, it’s 2 a.m. and I haven’t gotten a single thing done.
Then, inevitably, the guilt sets in.
I get frustrated with myself for shirking my responsibilities and letting this baseless negativity rob me of an entire day. I start to argue with myself. You don’t even have a reason to be upset. You don’t deserve to be moping right now. I go to bed in a bad mood and wake up to start the same cycle all over again, likely feeling even worse than I did before.
The thing is, we can’t always control our emotions, and really, we shouldn’t try to. I think the only thing you can ever do with feelings is to let yourself feel them, because if you don’t, they just sit around in your head. And trust me, they won’t stay dormant. They’ll grow roots and buds and vines, and the longer you ignore them, the thicker they’ll get.
It’s easier to pluck out weeds than to chop down a tree.
So, the next time you wake up feeling like today just isn’t your day, remember that you don’t have to explain yourself. Just start your favorite movie, have some food delivered, and ride it out. We’ve all been there.